June 1, 2023

It has been 23 years

A day that used to be filled with sorrow has become a few moments of reflection during my day.

I was 19 when I couldn’t feel you there anymore

It took my breath away; the tears that fell were sorrow-filled but lighter than before

I had forgotten to morn you the year before; college preoccupied my mind

But this year, I was determined to remember,

I fell asleep with it on my mind, with you on my mind

But in the morning, as sun rays gently tapped at my window, nothing came

You were not there.

It was like I had lost you again, a deep ache that felt familiar to my body,

but that day, I gained something back as well

it felt like a gentle push forward, a bitter-sweet goodbye

you have had to leave me twice in this lifetime, but this one was through your own volition

I believe that you knew I would be okay and slowly faded into whatever comes next

So today, on the day of your passing, I offer you stories for you to take with you.

Your daughter has had a son named Zion; he is beautiful and kind

I see why you fell in love with your wife; it is her captivating smile

In a dark room, she would be the only light you needed

Your daughter has that smile.

Your wife tells me I am like you

Always smiling and laughing, a happy-go-lucky person

We have all forged a path in your absence, and it is our own

I have seen parts of the world and approach it with curiosity

I am loved by my friends

I am a writer, musician, and artist. They call that a “creative” now.

I search for love that opens my heart and mind

I move through this world with a sense of wonder

So many things, too many things, that I want to tell you, but I only have a few minutes to reflect

23 years ago, the day you left